note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think your dad took our porno
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
