Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
