Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
