Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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