hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
