her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
