Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Two words: blizzard sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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