I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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