Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
