my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
