I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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