im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
