You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
