I think I am morally bankrupt
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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