We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This baby is an asshole
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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