We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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