Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You may now shotgun with the bride
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
