yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
