mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
