We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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