Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
