Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
