I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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