I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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