she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
