I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
