look no pants
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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