Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
