After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
