I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
