i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
