The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i believe in u and ur pee
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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