genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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