Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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