I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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