you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
