I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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