I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
