My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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