just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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