I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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