I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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