Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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