I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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