Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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