Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my phone needs a breathalizer
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
