Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
