i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
