Buhtt sex?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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