Kiss
Puke
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you win again, gameday.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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