Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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