So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
