well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize