Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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