Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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