But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
