I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
