fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
