What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is the high leading the old right now
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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