go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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