Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
