Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
