I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
