some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
