Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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