Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
God, I missed his penis.
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