Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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