I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
