where am i from again
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
