I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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