You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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