we're chasing vodka with high fives
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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