Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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