i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
