We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
